A Near-Thread Experience

Avani Avittam fell on Friday the 20th of August this year. While for most Brahmins this is the day to remember their ancestors and chant holy mantras, for me this day is a yearly reminder of how little I really know about my religion and also the day I proudly display this ignorance in our local temple to 50 total strangers, who I sometimes think to myself, come here annually only for my performance. This year was, of course, no different.
The ceremonies began with a description of the meaning and significance of the day’s function, during which I learnt some very interesting facts:
1. Avani Avittam is composed of two Tamil words: Avani(or avanai) meaning “him” and Avittam meaning “make fun of”.
2. The main item involved is the Poonal or sacred thread. It consists of sets of 3 threads tied together and you are awarded one set for each milestone in your life. The first one is awarded when a Brahmin boy is at the age when he first hears his father say “Perivan aayi IIT-la sendhudu-da ambi (You should get into IIT when you grow old, son)”. In most cases this happens when he is 3 months old. The second set is awarded when the guy hears another fateful phrase that begins “Maangalyam Thanthu Naa Nena” (no, not that Alai Paayuthey song, i mean the real deal.)
Then began the main event where we chanted mantras to pacify all our fore-fathers who, for some reason, were always angry with us. I think this has to do with the fact that we spend most of our free time either eating pakodas or watching Midnight Masala (and also because our fore-fathers didn’t have Saffola oil or Cable TV).
I couldn’t really hear the priest very well so what I repeated were just vague mumblings that sounded more like the words of Vairamuthu which everyone appreciates but no one really understands. Of course, I ended all my sentences with loud “Karishye”s so people would think I knew what I was doing. I also interspersed them with some “Svaha”s and even a few “Humma Humma”s for good measure. I felt everyone looking at me and I even thought I heard some people say “Hee Hee” until i realised they were simply clearing the one nostril through which they were allowed to breathe during a specific chant. One of these mantras also involved complex hand movements across the nose, head and chest, but it became a little easier once I realised they were the same as the steps to the Macarena.
A few minutes later came the big moment: I put on the new thread and tied the three knots – no wait, that was a different ceremony – this one is, after all, a ready-to use model. Once the main event was over, we all proceeded quickly onto the second part which is equally important: breakfast in the temple kitchen. Once home, I immediately put the new thread to the use that 90% of all wearers put it to: attached my apartment key to it.
Next year, though, I know I will be better prepared: I have ordered the DVD version of Macarena.